See, back in the day, I actually founded InFANity, Int, the unofficial fan club of Infinity, Inc, and published its newsletter/fanzine, the InfiniTimes. Yes, I was that geeky as a teen. But even a rabid fanboy like me could never find anything to like about one particular member of Infinity, Inc. Yes, I’m talking about the Feathered Failure. The Winged Wonder-Why-He’s-On-the-Team. Norda Cantrell, a.k.a. Northwind.

So please, join me now as I piss on one element of one of my all-time favorite comics by one of my all-time favorite authors. Harlan Freilicher, founder of the Infinity, Inc. fan club/fanzine, proudly presents…

WAYS IN WHICH NORTHWIND SUCKS:

1. Stupid origin.
Norda Cantrell’s status as the offspring of a human and a bird-woman from the hidden city of Feithera is premised on Dr. Fred Cantrell seeing a woman with an actual BEAK and thinking, “Now, she is HOT!” She wasn’t hot. She wasn’t even a mammal. Then, we’re supposed to believe they could mate and hatch (that’s right, I said hatch) a baby.

2. Hawkman Lite; VERY lite.
Hmmm… How can we distinguish the winged bird-guy from his godfather, Hawkman? I know! What if we take away the things that make Hawkman an effective crime-fighter? No medieval weapons. No fighting skills. No aggressive instinct whatsoever. In fact, we’ll mention that his people are vegetarians so that it’s clear he’s strictly prey rather than predator. In exchange, we’ll give him “migra” powers, which give him all the crime-fighting advantages of a homing pigeon.

3. Globlass.
Northwind’s only weapon is the non-lethal disorientation gun he brought with him from Feithera and keeps on his person at all times. It’s not a bad weapon for a superhero, which makes it a shame that he almost never uses it. In fact, when it first shows up (several issues into the series), he only remembers he has it because it gets knocked out of his belt during a battle! He uses it that time, and then one other time during the entire series. Because, why would you use a weapon capable of taking down Solomon Grundy when you could fly around ineffectively?

4. “You can talk to birds?”
When he first appears in All-Star Squadron, Northwind launches a fleet of birds in a Hitchcock-style attack. It’s impressive. Which leaves one wondering why he NEVER does anything like it again! In fact, the only other time he talks to birds, he’s trying to get a bunch of seagulls to tell him what they’ve seen, and they’re too busy thinking about their dinner to pay attention to him because, well, because they’re just seagulls. Proving once again that Snow White would NOT have made a good addition to any superhero team.

5. Lame look.
Northwind’s initial costume was kind of boring. Weird stylized mask that was completely unnecessary, since he had no secret identity; the guy grew up in hidden civilization of bird-people in the arctic. Then, with issue 12, the Infinitors unmasked at a press conference, and Norda (like Nuklon) dropped the mask from his costume. Suddenly, his costume went from boring to just plain lame. Then, toward the end of the series, Norda left the team for a while (not that anybody really noticed) and turned up again in a costume that was actually kind of cool-looking. Of course, this being Norda, the cool costume went the way of his decent weapon and effective battle-tactic and never appeared again (although to be fair the series was canceled soon after).

6. Lame personality.
Norda was an amazing combination of dull, insecure, dull, socially awkward, and dull. In an “untold origin” story, Roy Thomas tried to portray him as a rebel who had rejected the path set for him in his secret bird-people city, but somehow it was never believable. It was like an untold origin story where Batman turns out to have worked as a standup comic for a few years. Then in his last appearance, Norda shows up acting all take-charge and capable. Needless to say, he never appears again in this form.

7. Lame ever after.
Roy Thomas once complained that the Infinity, Inc characters have been “strip-mined” ever since the series was cancelled. Can’t argue. Individual characters popped up everywhere (even in Neil Gaiman’s Sandman) with almost no attention paid to their original personalities, and frequent changes to their powers. So how did Northwind fare after the series ended? This character was so lame that it was literally decades before anyone found a use for him. They finally brought him back when Black Adam supposedly offered Norda’s bird-people refuge in Kandaq. But it wasn’t quite the Norda we’d all known and not given a crap about. No, this was a whole NEW Norda that nobody gave a crap about. We were told that pollution had somehow accelerated evolution for the bird people of Feithera. The result is that Norda has lost the power of speech (evolution at its finest), has a bird-head like the rest of his people, has wings that have pretty much replaced his arms, and has big, claw-like feet. Oh, and for some reason, he and the other bird-people all have hawk-heads now, so apparently they’ve gone from herbivores to birds of prey. No real explanation as to how this mutation occurred. No real explanation as to WHY it occurred, since you could’ve dropped Norda and the bird-people entirely without impacting the whole JSA/Black Adam storyline at all. But that’s Northwind for you.

Thanks for listening, and remember our slogan:
Northwind — Making Dr. Mid-Nite look impressive by comparison since 1983.
#fwpodcast

I’m so tempted to become one of those guys who sends you a list commenting on every entry, but there’s enough of those guys already.

I will say that in the mid-1990s there was some discussion floated on some DC-related mailing lists I was a member of about a CD-Rom version of Who’s Who, but I don’t think it went anywhere. These days it seems ideal for an app with micropayments, but there are several free websites that do pretty much the same thing.

Todd Klein did a huge number of the logos for WW, and he lists a bunch of them on his website, http://www.kleinletters.com/

As far as the crown of Retcon King goes: E Nelson Bridwell > Roy Thomas > Mark Waid > Geoff Johns

Thanks for the hours of enjoyment so far.

Isn’t that Shag’s gag?

Couple of quick points:
1. Shag, it is pronounced “pro-nun-ciation” guide, not “pro-noun-ciation”. Ironic, I know, but it bothered me throughout the podcast this time around.

2. This has actually, bothered me for a long time and I’ve never thought to bring it up. Maybe others will back me up here. Why is Rob always so much quieter than Shag? With headphones I can usually hear you both, but without them, Rob is nearly inaudible.

Okay, the issue itself:

1. I’m stunned neither of you brought up the issues with Mr. Terrific’s anatomy. I don’t usually comment negatively on the art, but Terry Sloan’s head looks far too small for his body.

2. I think other’s have mentioned this, but Mr. Miracle’s Mother Box is on his shoulder. He is the one pictured in the surprint.

3. I am appalled that the Newsboy Legion entry didn’t include Flipper Dipper in the main image. I would assume that it was racism that caused the oversight, except that FD is racially insensitive in his own right, so political correctness is the more likely candidate.

4. Both runs of Night Force were some of my favorite comics. I think others have mentioned it, but this would be a great concept to adapt to television.

5. Shag could not be more wrong about Nighthawk being the center piece Western Hero in the DC universe. That title clearly belongs to Jonah Hex. Nighthawk is only in the running insofar as he is a rip off of the Lone Ranger.

6. I love the idea of calling him “Gorgeous” George Perez! Well done, Rob.